Transitions Provide Insight
I have transitioned from one thing to another, one family to another, one mindset to another, many times. Such transitions tend to put one off-balance for a while. Most transitions are not chosen, but inflicted on us. I have been lucky enough this time to have the cushion of time to complete my transition from Salem to Eugene, from descendant to independent. The latter is still in process. I've spent the last 18 years in my parent's home, tasked with hereditary responsibility. I can finally see the light at the end of the swallowing tunnel. It has been another paradigm shift for me. We all know that once you have a paradigm shift, you can no longer be or see things the same way again. I still travel with some of my dad's artwork - but only that which I have chosen to take with me.
As a result of my move I am less stressed. It wasn't until I went back after 2 weeks in my new place that I realized how much stress I was under. I drove up to the place, walked up to the front door and let myself in as always, but I felt a sense of dread and incapacity cloying to my being. Just being there made me shrink. It reminded me of when I left my first husband. It was a long time before I realized how 'small' he had made me feel as a result of his verbal abuse and neglect. I have grown much taller since then. Feeling powerless to change things is truly the most debilitating feeling.
My point is this: If you don't like your life, set the wheels of change in motion. It make take years, but if you keep true to your own identity, and do things every day to progress toward the realization of your dreams, you will succeed. You may only succeed in trying, but isn't that better than not trying?
As we go along in this lifetime we learn from our environment both as an
individual reacting internally to our environment and the exterior environment reacting to us. If we are fortunate we have nurturing parents and a supportive environment. EVEN THEN we have to adjust our inner selves to outer expectations.
No matter how old I get, there is still more to learn about the world, myself, my children, my place in the world. It would be nice if we could all live in a cocoon until we transitioned into some beautiful butterfly and we were able to fly away from conformity. I imagine there are those who prefer conformity. I have conformed as daughter, wife, mother, worker and patient. It is a familiar passage. It represents safety in numbers. Unfortunately, we give up a lot of who we are individually when we accept these roles. Within these roles we endure physical, emotional and spiritual trauma daily, some days less than others. At some point we have to decide if we are willing to conform to the life of a caterpillar or express ourselves as a butterfly. That is a transition I applaud!
